The Call to Adventure

As a divorce lawyer and coach, I spend a lot more time thinking about the end of relationships than most people likely do. And I’ve been through a divorce myself, so my experience is more than simply academic. My relationship with my ex-husband ended in 2018, and since that time my life has changed so dramatically, it’s impossible not to see it as a significant “before and after” moment.

Until recently, I struggled a bit with how to frame that in my mind. To my brain, the divorce itself seemed very large. But, you’re not supposed to feel that way, right? Especially not years later. I wrote a social media post last year about having felt as though I had reached a new era, using that event as a reference point and someone actually reached out to me and basically told me to get over it. I deleted the post out of shame, but the feeling stuck with me.

I really felt as though I was a traveler who had returned home after a long and arduous expedition, and this feeling persisted. While out on this metaphorical trail, I happened to do some reading about writing and story structure and Jungian psychology, and I began to see my journey as the process of individuation Jung describes that happened to also map onto the hero’s journey framework.

It didn’t take long with this new tool for perspective that I was able to identify that the divorce was significant because it represents the call to adventure in this saga. It was the moment when the world as I knew it fell away, and I was suddenly faced with a strange and somewhat frightening new land. It’s the letter to Hogwarts, the rabbit hole, the red pill.

What a relief! Alice would never have reached Wonderland if she hadn’t gone down the rabbit hole, but the story isn’t about the rabbit hole. It’s about who Alice becomes from that point forward.

I realized my story isn’t about my divorce either, but it’s impossible to frame the story without it. It’s a necessary element of the journey and there’s no reason to feel any shame about that.

I think our culture puts a lot of pressure on us to be okay, to appear to have our shit together, and I personally think that’s really harmful. I spent a lot of this journey pretending to be okay and I know that it slowed me down. I thought it was wrong for it to feel so hard, so I resisted facing the monsters. This gave them far more power than they would have had otherwise. I know this, because I did eventually have to face them.

So let me be a voice who tells you that it’s okay for it to feel hard, for it to feel harder than you thought it would, and for it to feel hard longer than you expected it to, regardless of what your rabbit hole experience is. The only way out of Wonderland is through. If you don’t accept that, you’ll stay stuck there.

Hey, there thanks for reading! Did I mention that I’m a divorce coach? If you’ve received your call to adventure and could use some support, you can schedule a free consultation at the link below.